Category Archives: Diary

Something Had To Give …

It’s been a difficult few days since my last post. Work busy and good, but the rest of it completely sucks.
Nothing like a Sunday evening and your wedding cancelled/postponed for making you say enough now.
Am not meaning Alistair of course, am meaning this Rollercoaster ride of 2018. Want it stop and I want to get off!
I turn half a century this summer and we were to be wed on that day and it was one thing which has kept me going.

Obviously am trying to grieve Dad, but just nae getting chance. And we’ve several other difficult things going on too, all making life exceptionally hard. Trying to deal with things and balance things.

A friend commented the other day, that as long as she’s known me, I’ve always been putting other people first etc and that I should look after myself more. It certainly has given me food for thought.

Talking of Father, it has made me question life after death, signs, spirit, etc etc Wanting to believe there is something, but unsure. Yesterday morning, was sweeping the yard, questioning something else, thinking of Dad, when all of a sudden, a Woodpecker Feather appeared in front of me. The most perfect feather. What are the chances!!? I thanked Dad and put it on the photo frame of us. Now as I type, am wondering with how yesterday ended up if he was just letting me know he was around?

Tuesday, my Wedding Dress arrived.
This brought on a few tears and thank the Lord we have the most amazing Postman!

Wednesday as a day just wasn’t great, well, let me rephrase that, it didn’t end up great.

I had advertised for help with housework and getting the house in order, amazed with the number of people wanting to help. I met Linda and she decided she would pick up the gauntlet, reassuring me, that the hoose wasn’t that bad and she had seen worse and she would begin the following day.

The Farrier arrived early doors to see to McKenzie.

Then, a busy gallery morning eased up after lunch but a pleasant surprise to see a couple of friends appear.

They had come for my help, involving a photo shoot for the following morning. It was something I would have normally loved, but just didn’t see how I could fit in. I would think up on it.

Pet Lamb was sheared this afternoon. Now got a totally different looking sheep and Barclay has been going ballistic ever since! Am sure he thinks another resident has moved into the Tulloch fold.

As the day wore on, I could feel myself getting down. And the fact I was unable to help the friend out tomorrow really began to play on my mind. Their help was invaluable when I lost Father and this was one person I would and should have gladly helped.
WHY.. was everything happening at once!

By evening, my mood hit an all time low.

I think absolutely everything from so far this year just hit me and the tears began.
I was mentally exhausted and openly admitted I could not cope with everything.

Something had to give!

Thursday morning, up for the 2nd time, making coffee and look out to see young Wagtails hopping around the yard, wonderful.

Following Dawns Phone call last night, I did heed her advice and didn’t open the Gallery today. I would instead begin wading through outstanding jobs I never get round to.
And … I finally made the decision to contact Airbnb!
I explained what was going on in our lives and from the 24th July, I will no longer be taking bookings or hosting guests.
Alannah from Airbnb was incredible. And I want again, to give her my thanks.
She was very understanding and efficient. She took over everything for me and for the the first time, I actually understood what the term ‘Weight off my Shoulders’ meant and felt like.

Of course, I am so very sorry that some guests beyond July have had to be cancelled and how disappointing and annoying that will be. Some things are just beyond my control, am not Wonder Woman and Airbnb was something which has to give.

Is it permanent? Who knows.

Perhaps wasn’t meant to do photo shoot for friend, as me back went mid morning! Ow!

This weekend sees my begin the count down of hosting guests.

And tomorrow evening will begin to see in a new week and some precious time spent with my best friend.

Onwards, Upwards, One Step and One Day at a Time

Karen x

img_5099

Woodpecker Feather

 

The Quick Thaw …

Pulled back the curtains this morning, to see a fresh covering of Snow.
The day was off to a good start.
Though was short lived when I realised I had run out of Coffee!!!
Had to make do with Alistair’s Kenco.

Whilst having morning coffee, I noticed about a dozen Siskins in the garden, so they must be about to return, though these soon flitted off.
I don’t think Barclay’s constant barking helped! He was stood at the gate in full voice for a few minutes, but as I write, I still have absolutely no idea what or why.
After I had got Barclay calmed down, I let the Poultry out, fresh snow seems to send the Ducks in to a skittish frame of mind and that was it, they were soon away flying down the glen.
Then Barclays Groomer came to collect him for Spa Day, waved them off only to discover I hadn’t closed the door and there was the tame Sheep in the sunroom chewing me writing desk! Had to lure him out with a Parsnip!

Come lunchtime, the temperature had reached a balmy 4c and the Snow began to thaw quickly and I saw our first Snowdrops & Aconites.
Also, McQuack had returned. I walked down the road in search of the other Duck, but no sign of McDuck anywhere.
Got the yard brushed and then finished prepping for tonights guests.
It was then I saw a flash of something fly by the kitchen window, McDuck had finally returned. So where he had been for the last 4hrs, lord knows.
Told him anymore of that and he’ll be getting his wings clipped!
Ruddy Ducks!!!

Looked across the river to see that a Herd of 8 Fallow (Including 2 young) had appeared, haven’t seen these ones before, so will keep an eye on them. They seemed happy enough for a few hours.

By 3pm, you wouldn’t believe we had had Snow, that was one quick thaw, though pleased to see more is forecast.

Tonights guests have arrived and are here for three days Skiing.
Barclay back from his Spa Day looking and smelling all posh, but of course doubt that will last.
Another Jamie Oliver 5 Ingredients recipe for dinner tonight, okay, but looks nothing like in the book!
Still weary and hoping can get a better nights sleep tonight, thought I had improved some last night, but Alistair has just informed me that I called out for Dad again 😦

IMG_3140

Blanket of Snow

IMG_3128

Sheep chews Desk

IMG_3138

First Snowdrops

IMG_3137

And Aconites

 

 

Transition…

As a few of you will know, my Father passed away on Monday 29th January 2018.
And I have just returned to Scotland after a couple of weeks in Yorkshire.
On the morning of my return home, someone was wishing me well with my travels and on about me having to pick up the pieces on my return home.
Thats the thing, How do you pick up the pieces?
I do not know how to, as one of the main pieces, is now missing and the life I knew before has ceased, but … I do know how to start again.
Lets face it, I have had one or two new starts in life and that is something I can do and adapt to.
Someone had left a kind comment on Facebook and used the word Transition and I personally think that is apt, that is what this is.
Have already began to change a few small things, like routine etc

For some months now, I have been mulling over the idea of doing an online journal, life in the Glens, Guests, Work, etc etc
But wasn’t exactly sure how I was going to go about it and when discussing with a couple of close friends, had even thought about an anonymous journal.
But yesterday it finally came to me and as it often has been throughout my life, that inspiration came from my Father yet again.
For decades, my Father has kept diaries. Part of his early morning routine, was writing up the previous days events and whilst I have only seen a few entries, they were mainly about the Countryside and Nature, but often included events, personal thoughts etc
Yesterday, I decided to pick up the gauntlet and carry on his tradition.
And I already had begun The Nature Diaries (Of sorts).
No idea yet what or how I will post, as to be honest, at the moment I just seem to be pottering around aimlessly and feel nothing but emptiness and numbness.
Some days you may get an essay, others may just say North Wind doth blow.
Today has been almost Spring like, after a -5c and icy start, the sun had burst and we’ve had a day of bright blue skies, exactly the kind of day it was on the morning of Friday 26th January, as it was one of the last full conversations I had with my Father, which resulted in him asking the Doctors & Nurses to move his bed so he could see for himself out of the window, also for them to open said window, so he could feel the breeze.
This they duly did and his bed stayed in that position until his passing.

This is for you Father
– Karen – xIMG_3124IMG_3125