It’s been a difficult few days since my last post. Work busy and good, but the rest of it completely sucks.
Nothing like a Sunday evening and your wedding cancelled/postponed for making you say enough now.
Am not meaning Alistair of course, am meaning this Rollercoaster ride of 2018. Want it stop and I want to get off!
I turn half a century this summer and we were to be wed on that day and it was one thing which has kept me going.
Obviously am trying to grieve Dad, but just nae getting chance. And we’ve several other difficult things going on too, all making life exceptionally hard. Trying to deal with things and balance things.
A friend commented the other day, that as long as she’s known me, I’ve always been putting other people first etc and that I should look after myself more. It certainly has given me food for thought.
Talking of Father, it has made me question life after death, signs, spirit, etc etc Wanting to believe there is something, but unsure. Yesterday morning, was sweeping the yard, questioning something else, thinking of Dad, when all of a sudden, a Woodpecker Feather appeared in front of me. The most perfect feather. What are the chances!!? I thanked Dad and put it on the photo frame of us. Now as I type, am wondering with how yesterday ended up if he was just letting me know he was around?
Tuesday, my Wedding Dress arrived.
This brought on a few tears and thank the Lord we have the most amazing Postman!
Wednesday as a day just wasn’t great, well, let me rephrase that, it didn’t end up great.
I had advertised for help with housework and getting the house in order, amazed with the number of people wanting to help. I met Linda and she decided she would pick up the gauntlet, reassuring me, that the hoose wasn’t that bad and she had seen worse and she would begin the following day.
The Farrier arrived early doors to see to McKenzie.
Then, a busy gallery morning eased up after lunch but a pleasant surprise to see a couple of friends appear.
They had come for my help, involving a photo shoot for the following morning. It was something I would have normally loved, but just didn’t see how I could fit in. I would think up on it.
Pet Lamb was sheared this afternoon. Now got a totally different looking sheep and Barclay has been going ballistic ever since! Am sure he thinks another resident has moved into the Tulloch fold.
As the day wore on, I could feel myself getting down. And the fact I was unable to help the friend out tomorrow really began to play on my mind. Their help was invaluable when I lost Father and this was one person I would and should have gladly helped.
WHY.. was everything happening at once!
By evening, my mood hit an all time low.
I think absolutely everything from so far this year just hit me and the tears began.
I was mentally exhausted and openly admitted I could not cope with everything.
Something had to give!
Thursday morning, up for the 2nd time, making coffee and look out to see young Wagtails hopping around the yard, wonderful.
Following Dawns Phone call last night, I did heed her advice and didn’t open the Gallery today. I would instead begin wading through outstanding jobs I never get round to.
And … I finally made the decision to contact Airbnb!
I explained what was going on in our lives and from the 24th July, I will no longer be taking bookings or hosting guests.
Alannah from Airbnb was incredible. And I want again, to give her my thanks.
She was very understanding and efficient. She took over everything for me and for the the first time, I actually understood what the term ‘Weight off my Shoulders’ meant and felt like.
Of course, I am so very sorry that some guests beyond July have had to be cancelled and how disappointing and annoying that will be. Some things are just beyond my control, am not Wonder Woman and Airbnb was something which has to give.
Is it permanent? Who knows.
Perhaps wasn’t meant to do photo shoot for friend, as me back went mid morning! Ow!
This weekend sees my begin the count down of hosting guests.
And tomorrow evening will begin to see in a new week and some precious time spent with my best friend.
Onwards, Upwards, One Step and One Day at a Time
2 thoughts on “Something Had To Give …”
Aaah Karen, so sad to read how you’ve been feeling and so glad that you’ve decided to get some time back for yourself. We need time, space and peace to heal, to stand still for a few moments to communicate with ourselves and face up to how our lives are at a particular time. You’ve been through so much this year and it’s time to look after yourself, it’s hard to be selfish and put you first but it’s essential at times and doesn’t mean you’ll never help or put people at the fore again. You are a light my dear, I love reading your posts. What a splendid woodpecker feather, what were the chances of you seeing one, a definite sign from dad saying that he sees what’s happening and he’s still with you. Sending you heartfelt love and good wishes xxx
The last line of your blog is the most important one , and it will get better , bit by bit ! Concentrate on on your wedding and all the many positives in your life . When you think of your Dad , think of all the good times , all the memories you have stored that you’ll never lose . I didn’t know him but he sounds like a man who’d never have wanted you , of all people , to be miserable . xx